I failed my attempt to lose weight. I really thought I was going to get there this time. I was doing so well!! What happened?
I'm really not even sure what happened. All I know is that one day, I was dutifully plugging my calories into my app and running around the track at Seth's baseball practices and I was feeling great. I blinked, and I'm back at 200 pounds and my pants are getting tighter by the moment. Looking back, there isn't an actual moment it all fell apart, but I definitely quit trying.
I haven't ever hidden the fact that I suffer from depression and anxiety and while I know I can't blame this entirely on that, I do know that it has a big part in my undoing. I just got so busy and so lost in what was going on with work, kids, husband, baseball practice, baseball games and baseball tournaments, that I started taking the easy way out and running through the fast food windows. I got so tired that I quit working out, retiring to bed the first moment I could.
I may have been suffering one of my worst bouts with stress in a long time. I just couldn't do it. I couldn't do everything I had to do and eat right and exercise too all at the same time. I don't know why. I feel sick and disgusting after some of the things I eat. I feel heavy and tired and just unhealthy, but I keep on eating. Why? Because food tastes good. I love to eat. I think if I had this problem with something other than food, like, cocaine, I might be in some deep trouble. But that's the problem...I am in deep trouble. I keep finding myself in this rut, overeating and not exercising and the weight keeps coming back.
So, today, I told myself I was starting over. I will try once again to lose the weight and to exercise and to eat better. We shall see what happens. This time I don't think I'll have my hopes up. But if the first step to getting rid of a problem is to admit you have one, then I have already taken one step.
