Motivated

Today is January 1, 2012! I know it's pretty corny to have a resolution to lose weight, and get healthy and all that jazz. But, I really need to and today seemed the best time to start over, especially since I've been feeling some clouds lifting for a week or two.

For many months now, I have not been doing well emotionally. I do take medication for my depression and anxiety, but I got very stressed out and spent my days just holding on until lunchtime. And then holding on until 4 o'clock. And then until I got to my babies. And then until bedtime. I was crawling into bed by 8 pm almost every night that I didn't have to be anywhere and then hoping that the morning never came, because I just wanted to sleep. Obviously, this is no way to live.

I really don't know when my emotional eating began. I don't know when I became so obsessed with food. What I do know is that it has to end now. It has to end because I have two little souls who depend on me to teach them and guide them. The way I was eating and allowing my family to eat was not okay. This change will be hard on all of us. But it will make us all healthier and stronger.

So, I begin another journey. My goal is to cut out sugar. I joined a no sugar challenge for the month of January on another website. It is damn near impossible to stick to the rules they have set forth. So, I'm doing my own modified version of this. On the advice of my SIL, I will not allow myself to eat anything with more than 4 grams of sugar, because sometimes, you just can't avoid it altogether. I will switch things out when I can. I am replacing sodas with water and unsweetened iced tea. I am replacing chips with carrots. Snacks have now been divided into 100 calorie portion sized ziplock baggies and placed in a designated snack area. There is one in the fridge and one in the pantry. I am replacing sweets with fruit. I am also trying to limit carbs as much as I can. No rice, pasta, white flour, etc. I will work some of these things back in eventually, but in the wheat or brown forms and only in moderation.

Most importantly, I will remember that I am human. I will make mistakes. I'm sure there will be days where I just really want a glass of wine or a piece of cake, or some really greasy pizza. But I will get healthy. The number on the scale isn't the most important thing to me anymore. The size of my jeans isn't either. It's the way I see myself in the mirror and the way I feel about myself that matters now. It's taken me a long time to realize this. I can do it. I will do it.

Day 1:

Weight: 202
Bust: 42 inches
Waist: 35
Hips: 47

Today, I feel motivated. I feel like I can do this. I feel like I can regain control of myself again. I did not have a soda today and I didn't really care. This is a big deal. I walked to the park with the kids. I pushed Stella on the swing and then walked back home. I even cleaned a little. I said a little because that is something else I need to work on. But this time, I come first. I put me last for way too long.

My husband says I should start a food journal; that I should write what I eat all day and how I felt when I ate it. I think this might help me. I might keep a handwritten personal journal, but I will also try to keep one here on this blog as well.