Friday, December 30, 2011

Shake it out

This is my new theme song. I will use it to keep myself motivated whether it has to do with food or fitness or stress.

                        And I am feeling pretty motivated. Happy New Year!!!

Friday, December 9, 2011

Full Figured Women

Recently, I saw this on a friends FB status. I'd really love to embrace it and feel like I could say it and feel it too. It's a great message. 


When you’re a bigger gal like me, people like to say "yeah, she's cute in the face", as if being full figured is such a disgrace. Honey, I’m cute in the face, and I’m thick in the waist. I look good whether I’m in cotton, leather, or lace. I’m beautiful, vibrant and above all, smart! And there's more to me than my weight, I also have a big heart. Yes my clothes may be a bigger size, that just means you have access to a bigger prize. We all are not self-conscious about our weight, and we never have a problem getting a date. So don’t think your small frame gives you more pull, I’m a hot, sexy, curvy woman with a figure that's full.

I wish I could claim these words and really and truly feel them. But I can't. I still feel fat. And gross. And the worse I feel, the more I eat. I really try to take to heart the compliments I have been getting from men at work. Many of them have seen me struggling to eat well and have said to me I don't need to lose weight. That I look wonderful the way I am. I have had many of my girlfriends tell me the same thing...that the women that were worshiped in the olden days had full figures like mine. That I look great. I love my friends. They are so sweet to tell me this. But I don't feel wonderful, or beautiful. 

I have tried everything-appetite suppressants, diets, counting calories, working out- and lately, I've just given myself a pass. I don't think I've given up for good. But I have definitely decided I need some time to think. The only way I am ever going to lose this weight is to really and truly make a lifestyle change. This is going to take really hard work and determination. I'm not sure I'm strong enough. I will have to keep reflecting. 

I will be strong enough eventually and I'll get where I want to be. In the meantime, I am trying to learn how to be comfortable with myself, in my own skin. I'm trying to learn how to see myself how others see me. It's hard. Really, really hard. But I don't know what else I can do. 

Monday, November 14, 2011

Starting Over

I failed my attempt to lose weight. I really thought I was going to get there this time. I was doing so well!! What happened?

I'm really not even sure what happened. All I know is that one day, I was dutifully plugging my calories into my app and running around the track at Seth's baseball practices and I was feeling great. I blinked, and I'm back at 200 pounds and my pants are getting tighter by the moment. Looking back, there isn't an actual moment it all fell apart, but I definitely quit trying.

I haven't ever hidden the fact that I suffer from depression and anxiety and while I know I can't blame this entirely on that, I do know that it has a big part in my undoing. I just got so busy and so lost in what was going on with work, kids, husband, baseball practice, baseball games and baseball tournaments, that I started taking the easy way out and running through the fast food windows. I got so tired that I quit working out, retiring to bed the first moment I could.

I may have been suffering one of my worst bouts with stress in a long time. I just couldn't do it. I couldn't do everything I had to do and eat right and exercise too all at the same time. I don't know why. I feel sick and disgusting after some of the things I eat. I feel heavy and tired and just unhealthy, but I keep on eating. Why? Because food tastes good. I love to eat. I think if I had this problem with something other than food, like, cocaine, I might be in some deep trouble. But that's the problem...I am in deep trouble. I keep finding myself in this rut, overeating and not exercising and the weight keeps coming back.

So, today, I told myself I was starting over. I will try once again to lose the weight and to exercise and to eat better. We shall see what happens. This time I don't think I'll have my hopes up. But if the first step to getting rid of a problem is to admit you have one, then I have already taken one step.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Giving Up

Today, I am really feeling like giving up.

Everything I try to lose the weight only lasts a few weeks before I just get so tired of trying. Why does it have to be so hard to lose weight? It's so easy to put it on. Why do we have to gain weight at all? Why weren't our bodies made to be perfect and stay that way?

I'm so frustrated. Why can't I eat food that tastes good and not feel so guilty afterwards? Why can't I just lay down on the couch without feeling ridiculously lazy?

Sigh.

Oh by the way, the soup diet was a waste of time. Don't do it. I was tired of the soup by the end of the second day. I couldn't even finish a one week long diet that was so simple a monkey could do it.

Maybe I am just meant to be fat.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Fat Flush Soup

It's no secret that the last few weeks...probably a month and a half, actually...I have not been on the wagon so to speak with my eating right and exercising.

I have been very stressed. I have forgotten to eat. I have eaten too much. I have not exercised much because I have been so tired, and I just want to go to bed.

Last weekend, while in the check out line with the hubs at Walmart, I stumbled across Women's Health Magazine, at least I think that is what it was. On the cover was a picture of some soup with the title, "Fat Flush Soup!" So, I opened up to the article. It's a diet created by Dr Anne Louise (http://www.annlouise.com/)that is a soup recipe you make and eat for lunch and dinner for a week. She has several books, which I did not buy but they talk about fat flushing for life, etc.

I love soup, especially of the tomato variety and this one is tomato based, so I thought, what the hey? I'll try it. Maybe it'll get me over my hump. Then I ran into a small roadblock. The recipe calls for beans. ICK. I hate beans. I mean like, even looking at them makes me want to gag. But I tried to keep an open mind, and I started a thread on an online community to ask about what type of beans I should use. The beans are for fiber, and I thought I should go ahead and keep them in. I was told that white beans or kidney beans would probably be best and that I should try to puree them and use them as a thickener for the soup, that way I won't have to actually chew a bean.

Last night, I made the soup. I got the beans and put them in the blender and pressed puree. Oh my nasty, they looked so gross all squished up. Then I got a whiff. Gag!!! I couldn't do it. I just couldn't do it. I poured them down the drain and turned on the disposal. I would rather take a fiber supplement than put that into my soup.

Breakfast for the next week is a choice of scrambled egg white with veggies, a specific smoothie or plain non-fat greek yogurt with fresh fruit. I chose the yogurt because I never get up on time to make scrambled eggs or make a smoothie. I measured out my yogurt and added my fruit and took a bite of it.

GROSS!!! Greek yogurt is the most sour and disgusting thing I've ever tasted, besides beans of course. Those are really gross. Anyway, I made myself eat a few bites with strawberries and ended up throwing the rest out. Sick. Lunch and dinner will be the soup.

Luckily, I can have two snacks and those can consist of veggies or a piece of fruit. I am glad I brought extra carrots to tide me over today.

Here's to fat flushing! We shall see what happens. Wish me luck!

Friday, September 23, 2011

Stress=Weight Loss?

I don't know if it does for everyone since all people are different. I know some people don't eat at all when they're stressed and get all skinny and anorexic looking, but some eat way more and get all bloated and stuff.

For me, it just depends. I already have anxiety. When I'm anxious I tend to not eat because of how I feel. If you have never suffered with a real anxiety disorder, there is not a great way for me to explain how it feels to be anxious. I can try, but this picture says it best...
That and the fact that you constantly have a sick feeling in your stomach like you're nervous all the time and your heart feels like it will beat out of your chest at any moment. Your brain races at a hundred miles per hour and every time your kid asks you a question, you start freaking out. You can't drive without thinking everyone is trying to hit you and you constantly second guess everything you're doing or saying. Who wants to eat when they feel that way?

Anyway, I'm going through a bit of a stressful time right now, and I keep forgetting to eat. Despite my daily medication, my anxiety is through the roof and I have been having to take the emergency pills quite a bit. Yesterday, I barely ate a thing. I forgot to eat breakfast and then ate some lunch(a cup of noodles-WHEEE!) since it was too late for breakfast and then I forgot to eat dinner. By the time I was at home from baseball practice and the kids were in bed(yes, I fed them much earlier in the evening), I decided it was too late to eat anyway. So, I ate a thing of yogurt, which made me want to gag because I hate yogurt. The texture of it makes me feel quite pukey. Blech. So, I drank some water and crawled into bed, hoping for some sweet release. But alas, I could not sleep. Stupid anxiety.

My whole weight loss journey has kind of gotten off track lately. I haven't been working out, unless you count chasing my toddler and playing baseball in the backyard with my son. I haven't been logging my meals into my fitness pal account...but then again, I keep forgetting to eat and because of my anxiety levels at this time, I forget what I'm doing every 5 minutes anyway. Anyway, despite all these stress factors, I still find my pants getting saggier. It is strange, but I won't complain. All I want is to feel normal and healthy and be able to eat without feeling like I will throw up at any second. Thanks anxiety. Thanks so much.

One really good thing though, is that even though I've fallen off the no coke(cola, not powder)wagon, and have started to drink it again, I am drinking it way less. As in, I can't even finish a whole can when I open it. My husband keeps getting annoyed because he finds half drunk cans in the kitchen. "What a waste!" he says. In my mind though, this is a good thing. Good because I'm not getting the cravings as often, and good because when the craving does hit, it just takes a couple of sips to remember that I don't really care about it that much anymore.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Strange Things are Happening

Well, I haven't been doing a good job at counting my calories and I have been extremely lax in working out. I did step on the scale and it hasn't budged, up or down, so I suppose that is good.

However, my pants are falling off. How is this possible?? I don't understand it but I am not going to complain. Not even a little.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Cheeseburger Meatloaf

Because I haven't talked about cheeseburgers in a while, here is a delicious picture of cheeseburger meatloaf. This is not my recipe. I found it in one of my cookbooks and have made it a couple of times. I haven't made it in at least a year and a half, but since I haven't really had a cheeseburger in months, I might make it soon.
http://www.tasteofhome.com/Recipes/Cheeseburger-Meat-Loaf
Cheeseburger Meat Loaf Recipe
Ok, ok. You got me. I had a cheeseburger on Labor Day. It was freaking good too.

Yes, yes, I did eat a leftover cheeseburger the day after Labor Day. Don't judge me.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

I'm ahead of you!!!

Let me be frank. I really suck at eating right. I also pretty much suck at exercising. I did pretty well for a good while. The last couple of weeks, however, have not been good. At all. I haven't logged on to myfitnesspal.com in a while. I have eaten some fast food lately(gasp!). I have been drinking some soda too. OH THE SHAME!!

Anyhow, yesterday, at my kiddo's baseball practice, I discovered one of the other moms is also doing C25K. So me and my friend(another mom who is awesome enough to humor me by "running" with me) went to the track and joined her for the run of the day. She said she was on week 2.

I'm on week 3. Not that it really means much since I haven't stepped on the track in over a week. I decided to be a smart ass and said, "We're on week 3!" and she was like, "Oh really?" And I'm like, "Oh yea, but we can do week 2 with you. No big deal!"

Ha ha. That shit hurt. Really bad. I wanted to die. I whined before my 60 seconds of running was up and boy was I waiting for that bell to ding! DING!!! WALK!!! Music to my ears.

Anyway, I'm sore today. My legs are on fire. I know I shouldn't have gotten that bacon, egg and cheese mcgriddle this morning, but I won't lie. It was good.

I'll get back in the groove tomorrow. Maybe.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Oh my HOTNESS!!!

So, this weekend, my dear friend came over the house with her old school video camera in tow. I have known her since we were in elementary school, and we lived together for a year in college. We spent all of our time together during those college years, short lived(for me)as they were. She videotaped everything. We taped various escapades and conversations, and there was even a heartfelt monologue of sorts by me set to cheesy music in which I expressed my love for her and our friendship because I would soon be marrying a member of the army and would be moving away. I didn't end up marrying that guy, so I never moved away, but it was a tear jerking scene anyhow.

The whole point of this is to say that seeing myself pre-kids at the ripe old age of 19 and 20 was so eye opening. Oh my hotness! I was smokin!!! I looked darn good! I could not stop staring at myself and marveling at what a great body I had back then! The whole time I was laughing hysterically at our goofy antics on screen, I was thinking to myself how I would love to look like that again!!!

And then came the guilt because I slacked so much last week. I didn't count my calories several of the days during the week. While I did do my C25K app three days in a row, I didn't do much else in the way of exercise and I refused to step on the scale Sunday morning because of my lack of self control in the kitchen...or at the sushi place...ahi tower? Yes please!!!

I just keep thinking about those videos and how amazing I looked and damn if I don't wish I could get to that point!!! So, beginning yesterday, I gave myself a proverbial slap on the wrist and got back to the nitty gritty. I entered every morsel into my calorie counter. I have a cold or some other sinus related illness, so I went to bed early, rather than working out last night, but that's alright. What good am I to anyone if I'm a snotty mess?

Let's get this straight. I know I probably won't look as adorable and fit as I did pre-babies. I mean, sure I could probably get to that weight, but there are now stretchmarks(or as I like to call them, Mommy badges) marking my body and no matter how hard I try, I will likely never get rid of that bit of extra skin on my lower abdomen. I did have 10 pound babies, you know! But this is ok with me. If I can get to a place where I feel as good about myself as I looked in those videos, I think all will be right with me.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Got Milk?

The last couple of weeks, I have been pretty stressed and haven't had a huge appetite. I either forget to eat when I'm stressed or I go the opposite route of snacking myself fat. Since I have been doing this the last month or so, I  have really stopped snacking much at all and haven't really been all that hungry, so I knew this time of stress could result in the "forgetting" to eat issue. I decided that I cannot afford to be unhealthy and skip meals because that always ends up badly for me. I do have a family to take care of, after all.

So, I bought a box of Special K cereal, thinking I would eat it for breakfast and lunch. There is an actual Special K diet you know! Supposedly if you eat it for breakfast and lunch and eat a sensible dinner you can lose 100 pounds in 6 weeks. Or is it 6 inches in 2 weeks? Ha ha. I joke, but it's actually a diet. I don't necessarily feel the need to do the Special K diet, but I did need something I could make sure was available and easy to eat during the two times it is easiest for me to forget to eat.

Anyhow, in my quest to continue to count calories but still make sure I eat something, I bought the cereal. Monday morning, as I left for work(later than I should have been leaving), I realized that while I packed my cereal and my banana, I forgot some milk. I stopped at a gas station for some milk and there was a sign where it would have been that said, "Need Milk? See cashier."

'Hmmm...this is strange,' I thought to myself. But I asked the cashier for some milk. She brought me a single bottle of Promised Land. I was kind of excited because that is the expensive milk! I bought it and went on my merry way to work. I poured my cereal and my milk and sat down at my desk to eat it while I checked my emails. After the first bite, I realized something wasn't right. I sniffed the cereal and the milk smelled off. Ugh! Of course, I couldn't eat another bite. And what would I do for lunch?? Dang. I didn't feel like eating dry cereal, but luckily for me, I had a Special K protein meal bar in my desk from who knows when! YAY! Special K saved the day! Also, it was chocolaty chip, which makes every thing better.

Tuesday, I drove through McDonalds for milk because I figured surely they would not have bad milk. I tell the drive thru screen, "I would like a bottle of water and a jug of milk please." "I'm sorry but we only have chocolate milk" the voice said. Hmm. Well, I didn't have time to go anywhere else, so I said it was fine. Actually it didn't taste bad in the cereal since I obviously have the chocolate delight Special K. I decided I would stop at the store for some skim milk on the way home from baseball practice.

Wouldn't you know that my husband's truck broke down and we had to rescue him. I didn't think we would make it to baseball practice. We did, but I was so flustered from the change in routine that I completely forgot about milk. So, through the Mcdonald's drive thru I went again this morning. Again, they only had chocolate milk. I said that was fine and came to work. Then I realized my cereal box only had one serving left. AHHHH!!!

Other than all of that craziness, the skinny quest is moving along nicely. I mean, I'm not dropping 10 pounds a week or anything. In fact, it took me two weeks to drop one pound recently, but I also have not been working out as much as I had been. I do feel I've made a pretty big change though. I'd rather just go home and eat a sandwich or a salad than drive through for a burger. I tried to drink a soda yesterday when I got the hankering and could only have a few sips. It tasted like chemicals. Weird.

Slowly but surely, I will be skinny again!

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Taste the Rainbow

I totally just ate some skittles. They tasted amazing. I won't lie. They tasted fricking amazing! Also, I had a soda this weekend. Ok, I actually had two. Ok, ok, I also had two pieces of pizza. What has the world come to??!!! Everyone run!!!

Alright, it isn't the end of the world I suppose...yet. I do feel as if I have been doing exceedingly well for a self admitted cheeseburger and coke addict. I'm talking coca-cola, not the white powder ok? I'm not that crazy.
This weekend, I just kind of had enough, you know? Like, I was just so tired and so over worrying about every calorie. So, I didn't count calories. I didn't work out. Don't get me wrong, I didn't run out and get big cheeseburgers or a big gulp soda. But, I did eat some pizza at a friend's house. Eh, whatevs. I didn't turn into a cheeseburger eating fool and go nuts with the soda. I just started over again on Monday.

Yes, I just ate some skittles, but it's alright. Tomorrow, I won't and tonight I'll work out. I'll live. No use feeling bad.

See, I'm learning!

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Bonding=Exercise!

Yesterday, baby girl stayed home with Dad while I took little man to his baseball practice. As it is still summer, and really hot, only a few kids on the team showed up. So, when it was time for them to bat, us parents went out on the field. I played first base. My son thought this was so awesome. He kept grinning at me. I definitely got a nice little workout. While I wasn't running the whole time, I did work up a sweat and my heart rate went up several times. Also, it was alot of fun.

Since I got going with this I have actually lost weight! It feels amazing! I have noticed when I start thinking about snacking, that I'm really not hungry at all, but am bored. So, I have been pouring myself a glass of water and busying myself doing something else. I have noticed that if I don't care for what I'm eating, rather than cook another entire meal(yes, I totally did this before)after a few bites, I just stop eating and maybe allow myself a nice healthy snack later. I have stopped getting seconds immediately upon finishing the first helping, drinking a glass of water instead and thinking about whether I really am still hungry or not. I have noticed that I am actually starting to crave working out. On the days I don't do anything, I feel gross. I feel as if I need to jump up and run away. I have noticed I am no longer craving fast food and when I get the itch to eat something "different" and I start looking around at my options, I start thinking about how many calories and how much fat and grease is in that food and I get grossed out. I had McDonald's for the first time in weeks last week. I felt sick and gross for two days afterward. I would much rather eat some fresh fruit than ice cream. I would much rather eat a nice turkey sandwich on wheat bread at home, than a greasy cheeseburger at a fast food joint.

This process has not been easy. I struggle with thoughts about food and sodas every day. I struggle with the thought of just lying down and going to sleep every day. I struggle doing the moves of my various workout videos and I struggle to keep up sometimes. It is a battle every day. But it is a battle that I am starting to feel like I'm winning.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Margaritas make you skinny??

I have lost 9 pounds so far since I got serious with this whole counting calories and exercising thing. It is very exciting to look in the mirror and see my face coming back! It feels amazing that yesterday, the pair of XL jammy pants I put on promptly fell off. One step at a time right?

This weekend, I went out for Girl's Night!! Woot Woot!! Some very special ladies and I met at On the Border for some dinner and drinks. I ate fajitas and way too many chips. I'm pretty sure I blew my calorie count with my 3 rather large margaritas and all those chips.

But, we ended up at a great bar, where after a few more calorie killing drinks, I danced my ass off!! I am not a good dancer. I mean, I was in show choir for two years in high school and I did do Colorguard(flag core) one year, so I can do just about anything that is choreographed and do it pretty well. But, put me on a dance floor with hip hop/dance music, or any kind of music really and let me have free reign and I am pretty sure I look like I'm doing some weird version of the chicken dance.

Even so, I love to dance anyway and have alot of fun doing it. So, I did, ALL night long and am still sore today. I am certain I burned off some calories. So, in conclusion, I say that margaritas make you skinny!!!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Billy Blanks is Evil!!

But I love him. It's more of a love/hate relationship right now. I have his Tae Bo Cardio video. It is a WORKOUT!!! Let me tell you. I'm talking about a dripping sweat, screaming, grunting, panting, hardcore work out!

Last week, on Tuesday, I started using an app on my phone called My Fitness Pal and started eating well(mostly) and tracking my calories. I weighed 204 pounds on Tuesday of last week, which is 7 pounds more than I weighed when I started this blog. I also started working out. Currently, I have a goal of working out 3 days a week. Last week, I stayed at or under(after working out) my calorie goal all week and met my goal of working out 3 days a week! Today I stepped on the scale and it said 196.8!!!

I started using the C25K app on my phone. It alternates jogging and walking during a 9 week period to prepare you for a 5k supposedly. I've only done two days of week 1 so far. But I've taken lots of walks and I've done the Billy Blanks video.

Last Friday, I didn't make it through the whole video. I turned it off, cursing Billy and his muscles and his good mood and took a shower, wishing I hadn't done that. Last night, I made it through the entire video!! It felt SO good! Okay, so I spent half the time, yelling at Billy, "I hate you!!!" "NO!! I don't want to to that!!" "Billy, you suck!!" "OUCH!!!" and a few other expletives. The sweat was dripping down my body. I was breathing hard. I was pushing myself in ways I have not pushed myself in years! But I made it through! And at the end, he does a cool down stretch and he tells you how great you are and how there is nothing you can't do! I'm so glad I made it to the end!!!

Oh and by the way, I have only had two sodas since last Tuesday!!!!

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Feeling Good

Today, I am in a rare moment of feeling really good about myself. I mean, I am energized. I'm in a great mood. I've been smiling. I feel like I can do so much!

This almost never happens. I suffer with depression and anxiety. Although I am getting treatment for it, there are days where it is all consuming and I am just so tired and so down and so freaked out about everything and nothing at the same time. Today is carefree. I feel fabulous. Jack Johnson on the radio helps alot too. Super happy music.

I haven't had Dr. Pepper or any soda for that matter since Monday. I also have not had any fast food since breakfast on Monday. Surprisingly, I haven't been as tired or cranky without the soda as I thought I would be. I joined http://www.myfitnesspal.com/ and have one friend(my sister of course, who else?), to give me encouragement and have been tracking my food and water intake. Feel free to check it out and join me as a friend and we can be fitness pals! I took a walk on Tuesday. There was a heat advisory and it was so muggy. It was hard. But I did it.

Yesterday, I started C25K. Essentially, it is a 9 week program designed to get you in shape to run a 5k. I used to run cross country and track as a young girl. I'd say I was pretty good. I had a butt injury(yes for real. Funny story actually-Dr: "You have strained your gluteous something or other." Me: "My what? What is a gluteous something or other?" Dr:"Your buttox Miss Owens." Me: "Oh. Well, ok then.") in the 8th grade which put me out of track for the rest of the season. I stepped in a pot hole during our morning run in cross country. It hurt. I never returned to running. I chose choir instead. Anyway...

It hurt pretty bad. My legs burned. My lungs burned. Luckily there was a nice wind blowing, and the sun was setting, so the heat wasn't too bad. The app on my phone chimed when I needed to jog or walk, which alternated-60 seconds of jogging, 90 seconds of walking. I took my son with me. He is so awesome. He was in charge of the water. He carried the bottle and kept asking, "Mom, do you need some water? You don't want to dehydrate." When I complained he would say, "Mom, you're doing great! This is fun! Keep going Mom!" At one point, I said, "I don't think I can do this." He said, "Yes you can  Mom. You don't want anyone to think you're a loser, do you?" LOL. No, son, I don't want anyone to think I'm a loser. When we got home, he helped me stretch. I think I may have found my support! He rocks.

All in all, I felt pretty good about completing the workout. I plan to do it as much as possible. I am proud of myself. I think I can really do this. Oh, and I really appreciate all the encouragement and advice I have been getting from all of my friends and family.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Must. Not. Drink. Soda.

I will not drink soda. I will not go to the coke machine. I will not get Dr. Pepper. I will not drink soda. I will not drink soda. Soda is bad for me. Water is good for me. I will not drink soda. OHMYGOODNESSIWANTADRPEPPER!!!!!!

Good morning all! Today is my first day-ok, let's be honest-today is the 25th first day of not drinking soda. HA! Yes, I've quit before. It never really lasts too long. This time, I think I can do it. I think I can. I think I can!!!

Yesterday, after a good butt kicking by my amazing sister, I realized that while I know what needs to be done to make this weight loss journey go anywhere, I have not been forcing myself to do it! It is one thing to eat that breakfast burrito from sonic filled with bacon and zesty cheese sauce and think that it will be ok because I won't eat much the rest of the day. It's another thing to enter in my food for the day into the calorie counting app on my phone just after lunch time and see that I am already negative in my calories for the day...meaning there really is no chance for me to redeem the day. Wow.

So, here is how I feel so far without my soda...or a big ol' burrito. I chose a lovely Nature Valley peanut granola bar and some yogurt instead...

Monday, July 11, 2011

26 lbs of CUTENESS

This weekend, I decided I needed to add some steps to my pedometer, so I told the kids we were going to the park! We got our shoes on and set off on foot towards the park in our neighborhood. It is not very far. The school is .6 of a mile away by foot and the park is about halfway to the school...so as you can see, it isn't very far.

For some reason, I thought it would be a great idea to let my toddler walk the whole way. She never wants to be in the stroller, I thought to myself...She will love the independence!! She ran full speed into the street as soon as I got her outside. So, of course, I had to get her back to the sidewalk. Then she saw some grass she thought was particularly interesting. Of course, I had to veer her back towards the sidewalk. Then she found a nice flower she thought looked pretty tasty, which I promptly told her to spit out. She did and ran away...the opposite way of the park. I chased her and got her headed back the correct way. Meanwhile, her big brother is already a speck on the horizon, having gotten so far ahead of us! I yelled to him to wait for us. Finally, we caught up to him. By this time, we had made it to the pond, at which I tortured both children by posing them on a cool looking tree for pictures. My daughter screamed in protest and threw her body from the tree onto the ground. My son just gave me a dirty look and said, "MOM...can't we go to the park yet?"

So, we moved on. We got to the park and the kids played for a while until they were both covered head to toe with dirt from the wood chips on the ground. We got on the sidewalk to head back home when it happened. My sweet baby girl tugged on my leg and held her arms up for me to hold her. I picked her up and carried her for a few feet, which caused me to lose my breath. I mean, you should know by now that I am hideously out of shape and rather overweight. I am not one to turn down a cheeseburger. I attempted to put her down, telling her, "Let's walk like a big girl!" She didn't care for that idea, so I carried all 26 pounds of her home. I was out of breath and sweating!!!

All I know is that if I didn't burn any calories from that, then the world is completely unjust!

Friday, July 8, 2011

Sparkly!!!

Well, my sister got engaged!!! SO very excited! She has a huge sparkly on her finger. Seriously. It is SO very pretty. She asked me to be her matron of honor! Of course, I said yes! And now I have a real goal for losing some weight. I still ate a burrito smothered in queso sauce with Mexican rice for lunch today though. Ooops.

Joe and I got some detox pills. They were called 7 day detox. We tried to take them to "clean" out our system to kind of jump start our healthy eating goals. Basically, they just rid your body of some toxins. But...they were humongous pills. You had to take 12 a day. 6 in the morning and 6 before lunch. You had to drink a crap load of water with the pills. This part was fine with me. I feel alot better when I drink gallons of water. But those pills! UGH. I had to do one at a time because they were so big. They tasted awful and I gagged more in the few days I took them, than ever before! I literally peed like twice an hour while taking them. Neither of us finished the 7 day detox. Oh well.

I got a pedometer through my medical insurance at work. I am supposed to walk 10,000 steps a day as part of a program called "Healthy Pursuits". It's designed to get people in shape and healthy and stuff. But they give you a huge discount towards your deductible. Lots of people do it for the discount. When the representative calls you, they ask if you are doing it for your health or just for the discount. Well...I can't lie. It's wrong. So, I said, "Well, obviously I'm doing it for the discount." The representative laughed. But I wasn't kidding. Ha.

Monday, June 20, 2011

For Your Viewing Pleasure

My weight loss journey has not been going well(probably because I eat alot of cheeseburgers-yum). Today, I will share my pictures...one at my ideal weight and size and one of what I look like now. This is a pretty big step for me as I am very embarrassed about how I look right now. But, the past month or so, I completely gave up on trying to lose weight and just ate whatever I wanted. It stops today. Today, I am feeling motivated to eat better. Today I am feeling motivated to pull out one of my workout dvds and shake my bum! My husband and I decided to join Weight Watchers. I did it once before and I lost 25 lbs in the 3 months I did it. I am not sure when we are going to sign up, but it will be soon. In the meantime, I am going to work hard to cut out fast food and soda. That's the hardest for me. It's so much easier to order pizza, or grab a burger when you're a busy, working mom like me! Especially when your kid plays a sport. That just adds to the craziness.


So, here we go...just to put out there how much weight I have allowed myself to gain and how badly I need to get my butt in gear...here is a picture of me before my wedding. I was 150 lbs. I was in a size 8. I didn't even need to wear any spanx under my dress!!

And here is one of me in February of this year at 202 lbs and a size 14(a very snug 14). It's embarrassing.
OH. MAH. GAWD!!! Are you for real? Is that even the same person??? Is that a double chin?? GASP!!UGH. It's disgusting. So, I will change it. I will change it. I will change it!!! Yes, I will!!! Today, I had oatmeal for breakfast, and I have had 3 bottles of water. I have a little trick that has helped me in the past, that I am working on using again. Low sodium chicken bullion. If I am hungry and want to snack...I can drink a cup of broth. It fills me up, and gets my mind off the food. I used this trick alot during weight watchers and it helped me! Also, veggie broth is a good one as well. I can do it. I know I can. I owe it to myself and to my kids!!!  

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Biggest Loser

I love that show. Seeing these people work hard to lose their weight makes me feel like there is hope for me. Since I am not big enough to qualify for the show and I have seen people like this season's winner, Olivia, lose over a 100 pounds and end up looking like she was never heavy at all, I feel a little more motivated. I watched the finale and she and her sister look AMAZING. If they can do it, surely I can do it too. Of course, I don't get Bob or Jillian or 5 months at some beautiful ranch to do it. I don't think I could leave my kids for that long anyway.

On Sunday, we took the kids swimming. On Monday, I took a walk with the kids and the dog around the neighborhood. And on Tuesday, during my son's game, I pushed the baby in her stroller back and forth while watching the game. This was mostly because I was tired of chasing her and missing the game, but it turned out to be great exercise! Things are looking up a bit.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Slug

This is how I feel....like a slug. Slowly slithering along, looking rather gross. I look pregnant, I am so fat. I hate it. I hate the way it makes me feel. I hate that I cannot get myself out of this cycle of being so very tired and just take the damn walk. Seriously, what is so hard about putting on some shoes and going outside and walking? Why can't I do it? UGH. It's a big huge depressing circle...I lose some weight. I feel fantastic. I eat a cheeseburger to celebrate. I binge on said cheeseburger and eat more than I should. I get back into the habit of driving through when we're busy and grabbing something fast. I gain that weight back. I get sad. I get tired. I get determined. I start all over again.
It's rather annoying and pointless if you ask me. Yesterday, a co worker came to ask me a question about her hours. When I clicked my desk top, the picture of my wedding day appeared since it is my background. She looked at it, and looking quite surprised, said, "Is that you? For real?" while looking at me in my current state. I had to hold back tears. I know she didn't mean any harm, I know she was just surprised at how much bigger I am now than I was in that picture. Of course, I could not bring myself to tell her it was only 2 years ago.

Somewhere inside me, I know I have the willpower and the strength to get this weight off. I've done it before and I can do it again, but right now, I just don't know how. Even my sense of humor seems to be lost in there. Have you seen it?

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

What's the opposite of success?

Main Entry:standstill
Part of Speech:noun
Definition:stop
Synonyms:arrest, cessation, check, checkmate, corner*, dead end, dead stop, deadlock, delay, gridlock, halt, hole, impasse, inaction, pause, stalemate, standoff, wait

http://thesaurus.com/browse/standstill

Standstill. Yep. That's where I'm at right now. Let me just be serious for a moment. I am having a really difficult time losing weight. It's so very hard. I mean, really, really hard. I look at people all around me doing it on their own and they all look fantastic and it seems so easy for them. So, why can't I do it? Why can't I make myself put down the cheeseburger? Why can't I make myself take a walk? I don't know. I'm not afraid to be honest. I do suffer from severe anxiety and I take medication for it. That anxiety makes it so hard for me to do some seemingly easy daily tasks because I have obsessive thoughts about them. Eating for example...when I was younger, as in before children and before anxiety(mine was brought on with the birth of my kids), I had no issues with food. I didn't care. I liked food, but I didn't think about it ALL the time. I ate when I was hungry and didn't give it much of a thought. I was active. I was thin. I didn't overeat.

Now, all day long I think about what I will eat next. I argue with myself over my choices and then I have tremendous guilt when I convince myself to drink a soda or eat a candy bar. It makes me feel like a crazy person. Certifiably nuts! I also tell myself all day that I will go home and take a walk. I'll take the kids and we'll walk to the park. I'll do some sort of work out. I'll do it. And then I go to bed. And I go to sleep. And I wake up feeling guilty and then I step on the scale and the number is higher and I want to cry.

The struggle is breaking through this cycle. If I can break the cycle, I can lose the weight and I can stop obsessing over food. What even makes a person obsess over food like this? I wish I knew! I have gotten there before...so far I've only made it last a few weeks. Somehow, I will pass a few weeks, then I will pass a few months and before I know it, I will be skinny again. I will.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Success!!

Well, I did it. I lost that extra 3 pounds I gained, plus the 4 I had regained!!! Go me!!! Truth be told, I think the extra 3 was because of female bloat...but all that really matters is that it's gone. I haven't read much more of my book. Ha ha. I told you...I am so bad at stuff like that. I mean, I know I need to lose the weight. I want to lose the weight...but when you get down to actually doing the work and losing the weight, um...excuse me, I need to go take a nap. After I eat my cheeseburger. Ha ha.

This week, I bought some ground turkey to make some burgers with. I did this because I am obsessed with cheeseburgers for some reason(yes, I had one for dinner last night when we went out for Mother's Day). Anyhow...I love that jalapeno cheddar stuffed burger from Burger King and I must have a cheeseburger at least once a week to be satisfied...so, I got some ground turkey. I will put in some cheese and jalapenos and make my own, lighter version of the burger I love so much.

Next on my list...taking that walk I set out to take every day this week and haven't done yet...Perhaps I will take some laps at my son's baseball practice tonight. Happy Monday burger lovers!!!

Thursday, May 5, 2011

I think, therefore I am...

THIN!!!! Oh, yes, I am thin and beautiful. I am healthy and I feel good about myself. At least, I am learning to think so...

I finally got around to picking up that book I talked about in my first post. think thin be thin. It's by Doris Wild Helmering and Dianne Hales. It's basically a guide full of psychological ways to lose weight. I was drawn to it in the book store, so I picked it up. This was a while ago and it has since been collecting dust in my bedroom. Last night, I was feeling particularly restless and really wanted to eat some ice cream. I had a few bites of the ice cream and then set it on the table and let the rest melt...can't eat it then can I? I picked up the book and got started. It suggests using a journal to go through the parts of the book. I am going to use this blog, so you will get to go through the book with me! Yay for you!

Step #1:

I, Karen Hughes(May 5, 2011), will continue to read Think Thin, Be Thin and put some of the suggestions to work for me.

Step #2:

I have learned that I am in the Preparation Stage of weight loss, because I bought the book and am currently reading it, even contemplating trying some of the suggestions!!

Step #3:

Put Your Goals in Writing...

Since the week is about over I will put today's goal, but my weekly goal will begin now and extend to the end of next week, at which time, I can start over at the beginning of the following week.

Today's Goal: I will not snack or drink soda after dinner and if I start to feel the urge to snack, I will drink a glass of water!

This Week's Goal: I will take a walk of at least 15 minutes each day.

This Month's Goal: I will eat a piece of fruit or have a glass of water instead of some goldfish or a piece of chocolate when the craving hits. I will not feel guilty if I give in to the chocolate once or twice.

So, here I go! Here's to thinking myself thin....


Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Do you have some change?

Yes, that is what I asked. Do you have some change? I need some. How much you say? Oh, I don't know, 40, maybe 50 pounds of change. I gained 3 more pounds. I stopped restricting my soda intake. I feel hideous and guilty. I am not even hungry, yet I keep eating.

I tell myself it is stress. But is it? Or is it me? What am I afraid of really? What is that I am really doing to myself to keep from achieving my goal? Deep down inside, I am a vivacious, skinny girl who cares nothing about food and is happy to run down the street and dance around without a care in the world who will see me. On the outside, I am a frumpy and boring mom who hides behind her children and eats a cheeseburger because it's quick and easy. Why?

Because I want to spend more time with my family. Well, I could spend time with them while eating healthy too, so that's dumb. Because it tastes good. Well, so does grilled chicken. So, that's stupid. Because it's faster. Well, if I use the george foreman, it only takes about 7 minutes to grill a nice piece of chicken, so that one is null too. Because it's hard. Well, life is hard and it could always be worse, so that doesn't really work. Excuses, excuses and none of them good. When will I learn to stop eating bad food???

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Two Steps Back

One step forward, two steps back. Such is the story of my life the last few years. Motivation is fleeting and only comes around every few weeks. While I am motivated, I eat well, I might exercise a little and I lose weight. It's greatness! But it only ever lasts a couple of weeks, and I'm right back to my old ways!

Recently, I lost 4 pounds. I have already gained it back. I take full responsibility for it...as I just gave up and quit watching what I was eating. There has been alot of stress as of late, and while it didn't use to be the case, when I am stressed, I eat alot! Oh how I wish it wasn't the case!

A long time ago, while in my first year of college(yes, I did gain the freshman 15), my boyfriend of two years broke it off unexpectedly. I was so distraught and sick to my stomach with grief that I just didn't eat. I couldn't. If I did, I got sick. I lost alot of weight, about 25 pounds. If I were to lose 25 pounds now, I would still be overweight, but then, it put me a little underweight...although, I will admit that I looked HOT! I was thin and could wear whatever I wanted. I liked how I looked. I of course began eating again, and gained 10 pounds back, putting me back at my recommended weight of 145. I stayed there until I became pregnant with my son. Somehow, with the help of my mother, I was able to get back to 145 after having my son and it didn't take too long. But I started gaining again about the time I moved in with my now husband. Happiness equals heaviness maybe? IDK.

The next unintended weight loss came months before I was married in 2008. I was probably about 175...of the exact number, I'm not sure, because I judged how I looked and felt by the size I wore, and at that time I was wearing a 12. I am the happiest and healthiest when I am wearing an 8. Ironically, right now I would be thrilled to wear a 12. Shortly after purchasing my wedding dress, I became ill. I couldn't eat a thing without terrible pain. It turned out it was my gall bladder and I ended up having it removed, but between January and April when it was finally taken out, I lost so much weight that I was back in an 8 and I had to have my wedding dress taken in. Alot. When I went for my fitting, it fell off me, literally. That was a great feeling, but short lived, because once the gall bladder was out and I could eat something besides jello or chicken broth, I did and I gained it all back. I bought a size 14 by the time I found out I was pregnant with Stella which was a mere 5 months after our wedding. That is ALOT of weight in such a short time.

While I don't know what happened to my brain or my body between getting pregnant with my son in 2003 and now, I do know that something changed and not for the better. I no longer have the willpower to stop eating when I should, or to choose an orange over a bag of potato chips. I no longer have an abundance of energy to go running down the street instead of going to bed at 8 pm. I'm old and tired. Okay, I'm not old, but I am tired and I do need to find a way to fix this! I need to find a happy medium and somehow trick my brain into thinking the way I used to, which was basically, "Oh, I'm so busy, I don't have time to eat!" and by the time I got around to it, I either wasn't hungry or would only have a small meal. Now, I am constantly thinking about what I will eat next and how much longer should I wait before it isn't deemed too short a time between meals...WOW. That is sick! I mean, surely I have some sort of problem!!!

Well, those were my thoughts for the day...sometimes I am just too tired to have a sense of humor about the whole weight loss issue. For me, it isn't just an easy fix...I have to change my entire way of thinking, and it isn't easy at all.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Dear Progress

Dear Progress,

I hate the way you taunt me and tease me. You come and go so fleetingly and never leave me satisfied. Just when I think I have you all figured out, you disappear again. I try so hard to keep you within reach, but instead I find myself running after you, grabbing air when trying to grab you. Of course I mean running figuratively, and not literally, because if I was really running after you, perhaps I might actually catch you.
One day, I will get you and you'll pay...

Sincerely,
Skinny Seeker

Monday, April 18, 2011

Juicy Goodness

Let's talk about weight loss, shall we? Losing weight is way too hard for some of us happy eaters. I love food, ok? I mean...I really, really love it. I hate having to limit myself and I hate counting calories. I hate having to drink tons of water and having to cut down my soda intake. I don't like diet soda, and yes, I do realize that it has no calories. That doesn't make it taste better to me!

I love cheeseburgers. I just love them SO much. I like them with cheese, pickles, mustard, onions, tomatoes and lettuce. Add on some crispy, slightly burned bacon and I'm in heaven. Oh, the juicy goodness. Burger King has this burger they came out with recently...it's the Stuffed Steakhouse burger. It has cheese and jalapenos INSIDE the meat! Brilliant!! It has lettuce and tomato, and it's topped with this amazing poblano sauce. When I saw the commerical for this burger my eyes got wide and I had to wipe the drool away from my mouth. When I tasted it, I thought I might die from pleasure. It is really yummy!! This burger weighs in at a whopping 600 calories! You don't even want to know the fat or sodium content. Yikes!!

I got a little sidetracked there...as I was saying...it is really hard for me to limit myself. I have tried many ways to do this. I have a membership on several websites where you can have a profile, friends and put in your calories every day...I usually last a week or two on those, and I then I think I have it under control only to step on the scale and see my loss come to a screeching hault. Hmmph.

I have not gone running since my last run from last week...oops. I have chased around a very energetic toddler though, so that should count for something! I swear I will exercise this week! I have to!! I have also noticed a huge drop in my appetite and a very big difference in my thoughts about food. I normally would think about food all day. What will I eat for my next meal? How much will I eat? I would torment myself with thoughts of juicy burgers and healthy salads. Which do I choose?? Oh gosh. Decisions. If I chose the burger, I would hate myself for a week! If I chose the salad, I would see a sad burger in my head taunting me. Oh, the horror!! But, the last couple of weeks, I have not worried over what I will eat and I have actually stopped when full. I was at the mall this weekend, and for some reason I decided I would get some terriyaki chicken and some noodles at the japanese stand. It wasn't very good. I ate a few bites, and I stopped. Usually, I would want to eat the hole container. But I stopped!! I'm so proud of myself! I'm learning.

The scale sits at 193 today. I realize if I did more to help myself along this number could be alot less, but I also know my strengths and weaknesses and I feel like taking these small steps is really helping me not only to grow as a person, but to really take control and responsibility for my choices.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Ode to Chocolate

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways...


I love thee with nuts
I love thee without nuts
I love thee with crispy crunch
I love thee milky and smooth
I love thee dark and bitter
I love thee with caramel filling
I love thee with nougat
I love thee with marshmallow
I love thee cold and frozen
I love thee melting in my mouth.

Oh Chocolate...How do I love thee? Let me count the ways....

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Run, Forrest, RUN!!!

            

For the past couple of months I have been fantasizing about suddenly dropping the 45 pounds I want to lose. I have been daydreaming about walking down the street with my hot new body, in a super cute pair of shorts and a tank top and actually enjoying the catcalls coming my way. Unfortunately, I am not magic and can't make that weight fall off without effort, as much as I would really love to!  Yes, it is hard. Yes, it sucks and for the last year it has been a constant dance of one step forward and two steps back. I have lost weight and gained it back. I have started to workout and then wussed out. But this time, it's on like Donkey Kong! So, I have been slowly getting myself prepared for some exercise and making some seemingly small changes to the way I eat and think/feel about food. I think having a goal like mine is what has me more serious this time.

I have been eating less, not necessarily super healthy, but definitely trying to listen to myself when I'm full, and stop eating. I have stopped snacking all day long and I have limited myself to one soda per day, unless I just can't cope. Then I allow myself another. I have learned that depriving myself of what I like just makes me want it more and binge later, so, I try not to deny myself small pleasures. But, I have also learned that there are healthier ways to get my cravings. Now, the only thing missing is some exercise!

The past few weeks, I have watched my husband go to the gym and workout, and instead of joining, I took a nap. I kept thinking, I will go out and run. This will be a stress reliever and it will get me back into shape. As soon as the baby goes to sleep...As soon as I am not so tired...excuse after excuse. I really pictured myself running like the wind down the street, effortlessly, feeling so light and free. But even I know it doesn't start off that way when the last time you ran was in jr high cross country!! So, I kept putting it off. My husband bought me a new pair of running shoes over the weekend and I thought, 'Wow...okay, this is getting real. I can't waste money on these shoes!' So, I decided Monday night I would go on my first run. I got a migraine. I felt relieved. I won't lie. Inside I was doing a fist pump. Yes! I don't have to run!! The same thought process that I've had over the past year came back into my head. I'll do it tomorrow. UGH! How many times will I say that before I don't even believe myself??!!

Last night, over dinner, my husband mentioned he lost 15 pounds in the last two weeks! WHAT!!???!! Can this be true? I have been eating less for two weeks, and barely lost a pound, and he has lost 15 pounds? Suddenly I felt like I was in a Slim Quick commercial...you know the one where the woman and her man diet for a month, and the man gets super thin and she only loses 1 pound??? That is what went through my head. I felt so discouraged! Why do the men lose so much easier than us? I thought to myself, 'No WAY!!! I won't do this to myself anymore!' I pictured myself running again. I suddenly got an image from Forrest Gump in my head, running down the street in his little leg braces, as they fall off and he just keeps running! Yes!!! Run, Forrest, RUN!!!

So, after cleaning up the kitchen, I changed into sufficient clothes, and laced up my shiny new shoes. I asked my son if he would like to join me and off we went. We walked at first, then we would pick out distances. 'Okay, let's run to that tree down there,' and off we would go. My chest burned, my legs ached, and my butt jiggled. UGH!!! It made me feel so gross! But, I had to keep going. The last little run we did('okay, let's run to the end of that fence down there') was not a long distance. BUT, I kept going!! My son called out to me, 'Wait Mom!! Slow down!' I stopped and jogged in place to wait for him. He said, 'Wow, Mom, you're doing really good.' Music to my ears!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Confession

We bought new running shoes this weekend. My plan was to take a nice walk/jog yesterday evening once the kids were in bed. I confess...I didn't do this. But I have a great excuse! I had a migraine...the kind where lights and sounds hurt and you want to puke! I hate those!

In other news, though, my pants are not digging into my skin tight like they were a couple of weeks ago. The scale still says 197 or 196 depending on the time of day, but the extra bloat is definitely going away. The pants I wore yesterday had some room in the butt and thighs and two weeks ago, they were skin tight!

I consider this a success! I may not be dropping 10 lbs a week or anything, although I am definitely eating less and getting full faster. I think a little bit of willpower goes a long way!

Monday, April 11, 2011

Skechers Shape Ups

Yes, I have a pair of those. They are huge and chunky and not necessarily the cutest shoes around, but they do work!

Saturday we had a very busy day and were running around all day long. I wore my pair of shape ups just to try and give myself some extra exercise while walking all over the place. Oh man, are my legs still sore today!! About halfway through the day, at our 5th or 6th stop at the mall, I thought to myself, "Dang, my butt kinda hurts...what did I do last night?" And then I realized I had those shoes on! Wow!

By the time I kicked those suckers off my tired feet that night at 10 pm, my legs and butt were burning! Rock on Skechers!!! Rock on!!

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Chasing Kids is Exercise

Sunday I weighed 197. Today I weigh 196.4. Success!!! Ha ha. Okay, I know it isn't a huge success, but it is something! So far this week, I have only had one soda per day, haven't snacked during the day at all, have been drinking TONS of water and have stuck to a calorie count. Now, don't get me wrong, I did have pizza on Tuesday, but I stopped after the second slice, which is a HUGE deal for me. Besides, it had mushrooms on it. That makes it healthy right? And we grabbed burgers last night after baseball practice. BUT, I only ate a little more than half of my burger and didn't even have one fry! So, this is progress.

Let's talk about exercise! I still haven't started running 3 miles at 3 am before work...nor have I done 50 jumping jacks after dinner...but, I work in a warehouse and the restroom is pretty far away. Since I've increased my water intake, I have also increased my trips to the bathroom! When I go, I try to walk super fast, and then on the way back, I take an extra loop around the long way! I'd do this on the way to the ladies room, but seeing as how I'm practically running just to make it to the toilet on time, adding on extra mileage would probably cause some sort of spill. I mean, I wouldn't want the safety guy to have to break out the hasmat suit and bloodborn pathogens kit or anything!!

Yesterday, my husband and I had to chase our toddler around a rather large field while our son had baseball practice with his team. I chased her back and forth, and picked her up and walked a ways, and so on and so forth. My husband lifted her up and played with her, put her down. She would run to me...I'd do the same and she'd run back to him. By the time practice was over, I was breathing pretty heavy! I definitely think that counts as exercise!!

I haven't changed my entire lifestyle, and likely never fully will. But I made some small changes that are like moving mountains for someone like me! I have an exciting goal to work towards(nope, I'm not telling what it is, but it's a good one!)and I think I may just get the job done for once!!!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Food: Friend or Foe?

Okay, let's face it. Dieting sucks. I mean, I'm talking about dieting as in South Beach Diet, or Low Carb Diet...you know, all the fad diets that are always coming out of the woodwork. All these hot, rich celebrities come on tv showing off their perfect bodies and saying they got that way by doing this diet or that diet, or taking this or that pill. We look at them and think, "Man, I want to look that good" and go out and buy the latest pill or a book on the latest diet. And we give it a good run, stick to it for a month and lose--drum roll please--nothing. Not a pound. Nada. Zilch. UGH!!! And it's back to the drawing board for us.

We all know the truth. Those celebrities have personal trainers to kick their ass in the gym every day. They have enough money to have a quick little nip and tuck without anyone knowing. They have a nutritionist and a dietician, a personal chef and a personal assistant...all things that the average person just can't afford. When it all comes down to it, we are on our own to figure out what works best for us. Pills make you feel high or jittery and cutting out carbs leaves you feeling slow and tired...there has to be a happy medium! 

Some lucky ducks have a naturally high metabolism and can eat whatever they want all day long and never gain a pound their whole life. Unfortunately, some of us have to work at it. I am in that category. I used to eat whatever, whenever and wouldn't gain a pound. But now that I look back, I have figured out that I was super active back then. All through school, I was involved in some type of sport or dancing activity that involved constant movement, therefore, my metabolism must've been higher. My body chemistry was also very different then. I didn't eat if I was stressed and would lose weight. I was almost always too busy having fun to slow down and eat. After kids, a sedentary lifestyle where I sit at a desk for work, and life on the run, always running to this event or that baseball practice, fast food becomes a crutch and an easy out. I now eat when I'm happy, have something I love when I'm sad or have a bad day. I go ahead and have that extra Starbucks with all the bells and whistles when I'm extra tired. But it takes a toll on your body!!

Truthfully, there isn't any magic pill or amazing diet that will get you into those skinny jeans, or have you wanting to don a bikini all summer. It all boils down to how bad you really want it. There isn't an easy out. You have to make the lifestyle change. You have to eat right--yes, that means eat your veggies!!--and exercise. I have started this many times since the birth of my daughter 16 months ago. I have lost 25 pounds at the most, but every time I lose a significant amount, I end up gaining it right back! I lose my motivation after a few weeks of "being good". I fall back into my old habits and it all piles right back on, and then some. Sigh. I usually spend a few weeks feeling down on myself about it and then get right back on that horse. Somewhere inside, I know that fiery spirit with all the willpower of a buddhist monk still exists! And I will find her!!

UGH!!! Who wants to exercise? I don't!!! And I just want a cheeseburger I tell you!! But, now that my kids are getting old enough to understand, I really need to be a better role model if I want them to stay healthy as they grow up. So, eating right? I'll get there. Right now, I am just focused on eating less! Not so much snacking in between meals and not going back for seconds or thirds is my first goal! Also, drinking more water than soda. Then maybe I'll add in some exercise...Maybe.

The Definition of Diet

di·et

[dahy-it] noun, verb, -et·ed, -et·ing, adjective
–noun
1.
food and drink considered in terms of its qualities, composition, and its effects on health: Milk is a wholesome article of diet.
2.
a particular selection of food, especially as designed or prescribed to improve a person's physical condition or to prevent or treat a disease: a diet low in sugar.
3.
such a selection or a limitation on the amount a person eats for reducing weight: No pie for me, I'm on a diet.
4.
the foods eaten, as by a particular person or group: The native diet consists of fish and fruit.
5.
food or feed habitually eaten or provided: The rabbits were fed a diet of carrots and lettuce.
6.
anything that is habitually provided or partaken of: Television has given us a steady diet of game shows and soap operas.
–verb (used with object)
7.
to regulate the food of, especially in order to improve the physical condition.
8.
to feed.
–verb (used without object)
9.
to select or limit the food one eats to improve one's physical condition or to lose weight: I've dieted all month and lost only one pound.
10.
to eat or feed according to the requirements of a diet.
–adjective
11.
suitable for consumption with a weight-reduction diet; dietetic: diet soft drinks.