Slug

This is how I feel....like a slug. Slowly slithering along, looking rather gross. I look pregnant, I am so fat. I hate it. I hate the way it makes me feel. I hate that I cannot get myself out of this cycle of being so very tired and just take the damn walk. Seriously, what is so hard about putting on some shoes and going outside and walking? Why can't I do it? UGH. It's a big huge depressing circle...I lose some weight. I feel fantastic. I eat a cheeseburger to celebrate. I binge on said cheeseburger and eat more than I should. I get back into the habit of driving through when we're busy and grabbing something fast. I gain that weight back. I get sad. I get tired. I get determined. I start all over again.
It's rather annoying and pointless if you ask me. Yesterday, a co worker came to ask me a question about her hours. When I clicked my desk top, the picture of my wedding day appeared since it is my background. She looked at it, and looking quite surprised, said, "Is that you? For real?" while looking at me in my current state. I had to hold back tears. I know she didn't mean any harm, I know she was just surprised at how much bigger I am now than I was in that picture. Of course, I could not bring myself to tell her it was only 2 years ago.

Somewhere inside me, I know I have the willpower and the strength to get this weight off. I've done it before and I can do it again, but right now, I just don't know how. Even my sense of humor seems to be lost in there. Have you seen it?