I am the hottest and the thinnest I've ever been--in my head. Sigh.
Actually, I am the heaviest I've ever been. I weigh in at a whopping 197. I am 5' 5 1/2". "They" say that I should weigh between 135 and 150 for my height. Let me tell you something. If I weighed 135, I would be non-existent!! Ha! But 150 would be amazing! I would love that.
Why, do you ask, am I the heaviest I've ever been? Well...there are a variety of excuses and reasons...lack of exercise, two kids, laziness, food addiction, stress, time contraints, money issues... Sure, I have a list of reasons why I have let myself go so much. But none of them really matter...because I am the one who ultimately has to live with how I feel when I look in the mirror or look at a picture of myself.
I want to be fit again. I want to be thin again. I want to love myself again. I diet on and off, and my weight goes up and down and I fall off the wagon alot. I am not afraid to tell the truth. I mean, I really love cheeseburgers. Is it really a crime? Ask my arteries. I love pizza. Is it really so bad to eat a few slices every other day? Ask my thighs. I am hopelessly addicted to soda. Is it such a bad habit? Ask my fat belly...
Today I decided it is time--time to get back on the wagon and search for what works for me. Last night, I bought a book called Think Thin, Be Thin, or something along those lines. I will read this book and see if it helps, even though the previous books have fallen to the wayside, unread or unfinished. So far this morning, all I've had is a slim fast, and two 20 oz bottles of water. I'm hungry. I'm irritated. I'm annoyed.
And so begins my quest for skinny.
When dealing with food addiction and that amount of weight you will have to fight AND FIGHT HARD! Trust me, I know. The first 3 months were the most trying for me because my body was so used to getting exactly what it wanted. My stomach now talks back when I feed it instead of begging for food all day. The annoyance and irritation does go away but not until you trick your body...that took me months. I have never used a scale in the past but found that if I woke up every morning and weighed myself and had to face those numbers I was less likely to over induldge. Everyone likes to win!! I started recording my weight everyday to track my winnings/mini goals and keep me focused on the ultimate goal. The dieting thing will only backfire when you begin eating "regular" food again. The weight will return and very fast. You have to look at it as a permanent change in what you choose to consume. Anything fresh is naturally going to break down the fastest in your body and give you vitamins and energy. When you make yourself a plate for dinner turn around and scrape half of that off because you know you grabbed too much. Try not buying the things you tend to snack on the most. That worked for me because no one in my house likes the things I like and I can't stand the junk they like.... I don't know. I'm just trying to be helpful but I feel like I'm rambling on now... Feel free to let me know if you want more ideas or opinions. I do wish you the best of luck!!
ReplyDeleteThanks. I know how hard it is! I've done it before and been successful, and I've also backtracked and been unsuccessful. It's a lifelong struggle! I've come to realize that! I have also come to realize that I shouldn't be so serious about it and revolve my entire life around it. So, I have decided to try to lose the weight in my own way while keeping an open mind, and good sense of humor about it!! I started thinking other people probably feel like I do, so why not share the thoughts with everyone!!Feel free to give ideas and opinions anytime. I might just use some!!
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