For the past couple of months I have been fantasizing about suddenly dropping the 45 pounds I want to lose. I have been daydreaming about walking down the street with my hot new body, in a super cute pair of shorts and a tank top and actually enjoying the catcalls coming my way. Unfortunately, I am not magic and can't make that weight fall off without effort, as much as I would really love to! Yes, it is hard. Yes, it sucks and for the last year it has been a constant dance of one step forward and two steps back. I have lost weight and gained it back. I have started to workout and then wussed out. But this time, it's on like Donkey Kong! So, I have been slowly getting myself prepared for some exercise and making some seemingly small changes to the way I eat and think/feel about food. I think having a goal like mine is what has me more serious this time.
I have been eating less, not necessarily super healthy, but definitely trying to listen to myself when I'm full, and stop eating. I have stopped snacking all day long and I have limited myself to one soda per day, unless I just can't cope. Then I allow myself another. I have learned that depriving myself of what I like just makes me want it more and binge later, so, I try not to deny myself small pleasures. But, I have also learned that there are healthier ways to get my cravings. Now, the only thing missing is some exercise!
The past few weeks, I have watched my husband go to the gym and workout, and instead of joining, I took a nap. I kept thinking, I will go out and run. This will be a stress reliever and it will get me back into shape. As soon as the baby goes to sleep...As soon as I am not so tired...excuse after excuse. I really pictured myself running like the wind down the street, effortlessly, feeling so light and free. But even I know it doesn't start off that way when the last time you ran was in jr high cross country!! So, I kept putting it off. My husband bought me a new pair of running shoes over the weekend and I thought, 'Wow...okay, this is getting real. I can't waste money on these shoes!' So, I decided Monday night I would go on my first run. I got a migraine. I felt relieved. I won't lie. Inside I was doing a fist pump. Yes! I don't have to run!! The same thought process that I've had over the past year came back into my head. I'll do it tomorrow. UGH! How many times will I say that before I don't even believe myself??!!
Last night, over dinner, my husband mentioned he lost 15 pounds in the last two weeks! WHAT!!???!! Can this be true? I have been eating less for two weeks, and barely lost a pound, and he has lost 15 pounds? Suddenly I felt like I was in a Slim Quick commercial...you know the one where the woman and her man diet for a month, and the man gets super thin and she only loses 1 pound??? That is what went through my head. I felt so discouraged! Why do the men lose so much easier than us? I thought to myself, 'No WAY!!! I won't do this to myself anymore!' I pictured myself running again. I suddenly got an image from Forrest Gump in my head, running down the street in his little leg braces, as they fall off and he just keeps running! Yes!!! Run, Forrest, RUN!!!
So, after cleaning up the kitchen, I changed into sufficient clothes, and laced up my shiny new shoes. I asked my son if he would like to join me and off we went. We walked at first, then we would pick out distances. 'Okay, let's run to that tree down there,' and off we would go. My chest burned, my legs ached, and my butt jiggled. UGH!!! It made me feel so gross! But, I had to keep going. The last little run we did('okay, let's run to the end of that fence down there') was not a long distance. BUT, I kept going!! My son called out to me, 'Wait Mom!! Slow down!' I stopped and jogged in place to wait for him. He said, 'Wow, Mom, you're doing really good.' Music to my ears!
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